Poo-poo on potty!

Lincoln went poo-poo on the potty yesterday, 1/31/15. Woo hoo! Still a long way from potty-training but it's a step in the right direction!

I lost Talon today.

Dear Talon,

Today was the first time I ever lost you in a public place.

You, Lincoln, Dada, Nana and I went to the Denver Nature and Science Museum this afternoon. We were in the whale exhibit looking around. You were so excited and were running around. I was trying to read one of the plaques about whales that beach themselves. You were still in my peripheral vision then I turned to look for you and you were gone.

 

I don't even really remember how long it was...I'm guessing 20 minutes. Time just sort of stopped. One family we'd seen earlier in the day was staring at me, looking on with empathy or sympathy, one of the two, knowing I'd lost my kid. They looked almost just as helpless, sort of looking around too. I realized walking speed gradually increases from cruising around looking to turbo-hyper freak out mode. I went from thinking someone picked you up, covered your mouth then headed out a side door to 'Oh he's fine somewhere, this is the museum and the doors can be locked' then back to 'What if they're already out?!'

We looked for you ourselves for a few minutes then told the security guards. After a few more minutes, they radioed the whole museum guards. Everyone was on the case. I walked through the gift shop, asked the cashier if he'd seen a little boy in a blue pants and a white sweatshirt come through. Wide-eyed, he said no, his face softened wishing he could have said yes. I took Lincoln from Jason because he was crying for me.

I thanked all the guards for their help. The one guard said, "You're doing really great, staying calm." I half-laughed, kind of said thanks and thought, 'Yeh, I'm saving it for if I really do need to totally lose my mind.'

Then the head guard heard something come in on the radio. I was hoping it was something about them finding him. It was; it was about a little boy they'd found in the atrium on the 1st floor. I went down two stories, two escalators to get to you. There you were at the bottom. You saw me, waved, pointed and said, "Mama!" I completely broke down crying and temporarily paralyzed (why I didn't run down the escalator as I think back is beyond me) but I had Lincoln in my arms, the guard next to me and I felt stuck on the step and just so happy you were in front of me safe. The woman and older guard with you said you were only minimally panicking. On one hand, I'm so proud that you felt confident and independent enough to go explore on your own. On the other hand, I wanted to tell you to never leave me again.

When tucking you in for bed tonight, you said, "You wait for me at the escalator and you were crying. You were holding Lincoln, my baby brother and you were crying Mama." I explained I was crying because I was so scared that I'd lost you and so happy that I'd found you.

Jason wasn't saying much but I could tell he was scared. He told me later he's mad at me. I get it; so scared you get mad. He did say that it could have happened to either one of us.  My chest is still rattling and I'm mad too-- for all sorts of reasons.

Bottom line, I'm glad you're home and safe. I love you, Talon. I'm glad you're mine. I love you to infinity and beyond.

Love,

Mama

Wingmen and Masterminds!

First entry of the "Family Blog". Talon's first year was documented, Lincoln's first year was documented---not as detailed as Talon's but I blame life which can't be a bad thing. Life got a lot busier.

Jason and I started reading (listening on Audible actually) a book, Wingmen and Masterminds by Rosalind Wiseman, the same woman who wrote Queen Bees and Wannabes. It's a guide to help you navigate boy world with your boys just as Queen Bees helps you navigate girl world with your girls. Only through Chapter 2, it's challenging, insightful, brilliant and sad. I love it. It makes me sad to hear the stories how children are being treated by their parents, their peers and adults around them. The book is making me think ahead and think in the moment. Ugly moments have surfaced and will reappear but that's being human. We will all make mistakes but how big will they be?

Rosalind describes how much research and support is out there for girls. Empowering messages, improving body image campaigns, connecting, communicating, all that stuff. Boys' issues get tossed aside, feeding into the idea that they are already strong. We don't think that boys need just as much support as girls, just as much attention, just as much guidance and positive voices inside their heads. They do. Ever seen a "Boy Power!" t-shirt? Nope. On that note of clothing, can we please get away from commenting on their appearance or gender stereotypes? Boys get "tough" t-shirts while girls get "sweetie" t-shirts. FUCK THAT! I'm seriously considering seeing how I can start a line of break-the-gender-mold clothing. Boys are committing more suicide, more gun in public places incidents, more time in prison. Why? Why are we shutting them down, telling them to be tough, to suck it up when they need just as much support as their girl counterparts? Telling either gender:

• "You're okay"
• "Don't cry",
• "There's no reason to be scared"
• "Shut up"
• "Why can't you be more like _____"
• "You sure you want to eat that?" (don't get me started on that one)
• "Wait until your ______ gets home" 
• "You're fine"

all completely shuts kids down. We aren't acknowledging their feelings. Why are we doing this? Because we think they're kids and we're adults and we know more? How silly is that!

Rosalind says parental anxiety is one of the main factors that keeps kids from talking to their parents. The big sigh, the impatient name-calling, the eye rolls, laughing, teasing -- all things we tell our kids to not do but we do it to them! They shut down. I get frustrated with Talon's toddlerness but I also know it's not his fault. He doesn't even know he does it. Cognitively, it's his world being 3. She said boys need to be showed, not told, how to behave. Giving them a tagline like, "Be honest" doesn't work. It must be described and expressed how it applies to their life. Makes sense!

Anyway, I'm just excited about this book and excited to finish it. I know Talon and Lincoln will throw things at me for which I'm completely unprepared. The least I can do is prepare myself best I can; armed with knowledge, acceptance, and an open mind ready and waiting to help. If they can't come home and be themselves, talk about whatever they need (even if it's about me!), then where can they?

I started telling the boys at bedtime every night, "I'm so glad you're mine" because I am. I'm grateful for them and an awesome husband.

This blog was totally what I didn't anticipate but it's what came out so I'll go with it.