Wingmen and Masterminds!

First entry of the "Family Blog". Talon's first year was documented, Lincoln's first year was documented---not as detailed as Talon's but I blame life which can't be a bad thing. Life got a lot busier.

Jason and I started reading (listening on Audible actually) a book, Wingmen and Masterminds by Rosalind Wiseman, the same woman who wrote Queen Bees and Wannabes. It's a guide to help you navigate boy world with your boys just as Queen Bees helps you navigate girl world with your girls. Only through Chapter 2, it's challenging, insightful, brilliant and sad. I love it. It makes me sad to hear the stories how children are being treated by their parents, their peers and adults around them. The book is making me think ahead and think in the moment. Ugly moments have surfaced and will reappear but that's being human. We will all make mistakes but how big will they be?

Rosalind describes how much research and support is out there for girls. Empowering messages, improving body image campaigns, connecting, communicating, all that stuff. Boys' issues get tossed aside, feeding into the idea that they are already strong. We don't think that boys need just as much support as girls, just as much attention, just as much guidance and positive voices inside their heads. They do. Ever seen a "Boy Power!" t-shirt? Nope. On that note of clothing, can we please get away from commenting on their appearance or gender stereotypes? Boys get "tough" t-shirts while girls get "sweetie" t-shirts. FUCK THAT! I'm seriously considering seeing how I can start a line of break-the-gender-mold clothing. Boys are committing more suicide, more gun in public places incidents, more time in prison. Why? Why are we shutting them down, telling them to be tough, to suck it up when they need just as much support as their girl counterparts? Telling either gender:

• "You're okay"
• "Don't cry",
• "There's no reason to be scared"
• "Shut up"
• "Why can't you be more like _____"
• "You sure you want to eat that?" (don't get me started on that one)
• "Wait until your ______ gets home" 
• "You're fine"

all completely shuts kids down. We aren't acknowledging their feelings. Why are we doing this? Because we think they're kids and we're adults and we know more? How silly is that!

Rosalind says parental anxiety is one of the main factors that keeps kids from talking to their parents. The big sigh, the impatient name-calling, the eye rolls, laughing, teasing -- all things we tell our kids to not do but we do it to them! They shut down. I get frustrated with Talon's toddlerness but I also know it's not his fault. He doesn't even know he does it. Cognitively, it's his world being 3. She said boys need to be showed, not told, how to behave. Giving them a tagline like, "Be honest" doesn't work. It must be described and expressed how it applies to their life. Makes sense!

Anyway, I'm just excited about this book and excited to finish it. I know Talon and Lincoln will throw things at me for which I'm completely unprepared. The least I can do is prepare myself best I can; armed with knowledge, acceptance, and an open mind ready and waiting to help. If they can't come home and be themselves, talk about whatever they need (even if it's about me!), then where can they?

I started telling the boys at bedtime every night, "I'm so glad you're mine" because I am. I'm grateful for them and an awesome husband.

This blog was totally what I didn't anticipate but it's what came out so I'll go with it.